At the age of 16 much like many other boys in my peer group I began to start focusing more on my outer appearance as competition to establish ones place in the social order was now increasingly important.
I always wanted to stand out from the crowd and be admired for my non-existent charms. It wasn’t enough simply to be Joe average, I wanted to be somebody. I was no Hollywood A list celebrity when it came to the looks department. My facial features were not ugly but then again nothing too sticking.
I always found that I was less successful at dating girls then my friends or fellow pupils at college. I didn’t think once to blame this on my compete lack of self confidence or inability to communicate with people of the same sex let alone attractive individuals of the opposite sex.
I began looking into the men’s muscle magazines and quickly decided this was my route to success. This path would soon become a lifelong obsession with bodybuilding and the associated vanity it carries.
I wasn’t a particularly big guy so even though my I had perfected my diet, spent hours training in the gym and religiously following the advice of my heroes in the magazines I was still not happy with the way I looked.
When I looked in the mirror I could see a short, toned looking figuring staring back at me with sad unfulfilled eyes. I knew I needed something to reconcile this situation and it had to be a quick fix.
As I read more and more articles and did research on bodybuilding supplements I soon learnt that although I could not get hold of anabolic steroids there was apparently a legal alternative in the form of pro hormones.
The pro hormones were chemical precursors of anabolic steroid hormones in the body. The idea was that when taken orally they would convert into the anabolic hormones inside the body thus boosting testosterone.
This could not have been further from the truth as I began to realise having spent a small fortune importing the pills from America. My dad begged me not to take the stuff but who was he to know anything right? It was him in fact that had given me this rubbish bunch of genes.
Within days of taking the tablets I began to feel all the adverse side effects of the drug listed on the information sheet. I wasn’t overly bothered as I knew all medicines have some form of side effects and things had to get worse before they could get better.
My skin became very oily; I started getting massive headaches, uncontrolled bursts of rage followed by periods of depression. I could have dealt with all of these things had they have rewarded me with some results.
After using the pro hormones for 8 weeks I had not gained a single pound of muscle from what I had originally started out. I was so angry I had disobeyed my dad, wasted my money and got no results.
What followed was probably the worst phase of my life as I went through a depressive phase unable to drag myself to the gym. The worst part about these pro hormones was that they had somehow changed the structure of my skin. My skin appeared rough and greasy, constantly breaking out with acne.
Within days of ending my cycle my acne was completely out of control. The spots spread from my face to my back and chest. I started getting spots on every part of my body even on my head underneath my hair.
Long gone were the dreams of becoming the muscle bound titian and my efforts were now concentrated on getting rid of my acne.
I tried absolutely everything you can imagine from the over the courter products from rose water, tea tree oil, which hazel and salicylic acid. Nothing helped so I moved on to benzoyl perozide 2% hoping that this well known acne gel would solve my problem. Again it was absolutely useless after 6 months of persistence. I even tried increasing my dose from benzoyl peroxide 2% all the way up to 10 % gel. This just made my skin appear dry and like a burns victim with no visible effect on my acne.
I went to the doctor and begged him to help me and was promptly put on a 2 year course of tetracycline antibiotics to treat my acne. Although I can tell you that in that period I never once got the flu my acne did not disappear.
Finally I could not take any more and with my tail between my legs went back to my dad at the age of 19 and pleaded with him to book me a private appointment with a dermatologist. My wonderful dad didn’t rebuke me or question me; he just paid the big money and got me an appointment within 2 weeks of the doctor’s referral.
The dermatologist heard my story and from his facial expressions I could tell he was thoroughly disgusted with my actions and even more so with my subsequent efforts at self treatment.
I was put on a 6 months course of Isotretinoin Accutane (Roaccutane) as it is referred to here in the UK. My dad had to pay for all 6 months worth of medicine but I was so grateful he did.
Within four weeks my acne had completely disappeared though it has got to be said the first four weeks were hell. All my deep pitied acne started to come out as my skin began to restructure and cleanse itself.
After completing the 6 month course of Accutane although I still suffer from dry skin I have never once had an acne break out again. It’s been 11 years since I completed my treatment with Roaccutane and I wrote this article in the hope that it may help some fellow sufferers out there who may have gone down the route of vanity only to be struck down by acne.
My life is now a whole lot better and I live a healthy lifestyle without being overly obsessed about bodybuilding or training. I conclude be saying that there is no quick fix to social stardom and if anyone tells you otherwise they are simply lying.
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